Resisting Your Own Success-> How To Stop Blocking What You Really Want
Why do you do it? You have a goal, a desire for improvement, whether pertaining to your career, finances, health or love life…
You want it.
It would be great — maybe even fulfill a life-long dream.
But, you’ve been creeping toward the finish line for some time now.
What’s really blocking this next evolution for you?
The Split Inside
I see it all the time in my clients who’ve been struggling to attain long-sought-after goals. They have a detectable split going on within them, a conflict between:
what they want
what they don’t want
THE — SAME — THING.
Happens to us all, and it’s amazing how often we’re completely unaware of this internal feud between our conscious and subconscious mind.
Once you understand the mechanics of consciousness however, you can beat the system at it’s own game and mend your life.
1. Let Your Resistance Speak
“People are where they are because that is exactly where they really want to be — whether they will admit that or not.” -Earl Nightingale
If you want something but are struggling to achieve it, I can almost guarantee that there is something that you believe you will lose by attaining it.
So…what’s at risk?
Feel into the resistance and inertia, and ask yourself, “How might achieving this goal be a loss for me?”
Identify the dissenting voice and enthusiastically offer it the mic. Then, sit down with eyes and ears wide open because you stand to receive priceless wisdom.
What is the reason that this inner voice gives for not wanting to achieve this goal?
It could be that beneath your conscious awareness you believe that if you achieve this goal …
you will have to acquiesce your freedom…
or that it will drain your energy…
or it will alter you in some non-negotiable way…
or it will negatively impact an important relationship…
or conflict with a deeply-held identity…
Grab your journal and spend some time reflecting on this.
Your subconscious mind, by the way, is a whopping 97% of your overall mental processing power, as compared to your conscious mind which is only about 3%.
The sheer difference in horsepower should give you an indication of just how difficult it is to achieve a goal when there is subconscious opposition.
If you’ve been trying and trying and still not succeeding, chances are your subconscious mind is resisting your conscious goal.
Don’t be mad…
2. Excavate The Priceless Wisdom
“We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.” — Earl Nightingale
Take a breath and a step back. Make a pact to work this out. Your subconscious mind’s sole objective is to protect you, not sabotage you (though it is might inadvertently be doing that right now).
So, what is it? Get ruthlessly honest with yourself. Why is having what you want desirable and also:
in some way unappealing?
or a risk?
What’s behind your resistance?
Is it an inner voice of unworthiness or shame, a voice of I can’t or I don’t deserve?
Or, maybe it is a confused, guilt-ridden voice that vacillates between I should and I shouldn’t. On some level, you may be convinced that suffering and sacrifice make you a better person… Or, maybe it’s a belief that your prosperity would in some way diminish the prosperity of others.
And, it might not be faulty programming at all. Your subconscious mind could be responding to a deeply held, non-negotiable inner value, a soul purpose, or one of your most important heart’s desire.
Here’s an example of that from my life:
Years ago, I had a goal to increase my income…
I wanted more stability and ease in my life. I always had a hard time focusing on money. I wasn’t materialistic and I generally preferred not to think about it. But, I was exhausted from the stress and struggle of trying to make ends meet.
Increasing my income and focusing on money was the thing I needed to do. I had everything I needed to succeed, and yet years went by and it just wasn’t happening.
After some thorough investigation of my subconscious programming, I discovered that my desire for more income was at odds with a hidden belief that having money would make me selfish and uncaring. My subconscious belief conflicted with how I saw myself and what I was called to do. From a very young age, I believes that I was meant to help relieve suffering in the world.
It took me a while to unearth this internal conflict and make it conscious. But, my subconscious mind had a master program in place that having wealth meant I wouldn’t live out my purpose.
I was unconsciously blocking my own success to keep myself from becoming an uncaring person and betraying my life’s mission.
As I became more and more consciously aware of this, I also realized that keeping myself poor did not help me live out my mission. It actually inhibited my ability to make any difference in the lives of others. Things had gotten so bad that I was in survival mode myself. I was preoccupied with my own survival.
How do we remedy such inner conflict?
3. Harmonize Conscious & Subconscious Goals
“Picture yourself in your mind’s eye as having already achieved this goal. See yourself doing the things you’ll be doing when you’ve reached your goal.”- Earl Nightingale
Once you’ve made the unconscious resistance conscious, determine what needs revision.
Do you need to examine the validity of your core beliefs? Using my example from above, is it universal truth that wealth makes people care only about themselves and their own families?
Sometimes it is true, but certainly not always. In order to change my subconscious programming around this, I sought out examples of people who’ve used their money for the good of others. I read their wikipedia pages and article after article about them. I watched documentaries about their lives. It helped. I expanded my perception and changed my belief.
Maybe, you’ve been really wanting to find the right romantic partner. Let’s say that after reading this article and looking into it, you discovered that a part of you is resisting relationship, because you believe that being in a committed relationship means you have to give up your sovereignty. You may not have fully realized it, but giving up your freedom is a deal-breaker to you on some level. Question the black and white thinking of your subconscious mind. Is having both committment and sovereignty in a relationship truly impossible? Look for examples that defy your belief.
It also might be that you need to reevaluate your goal altogether. Often people base their goals on the goals that others have for them, or cultural standards instead of what they truly desire. If your goal is not based in a true heart’s desire, you will lack the intrinsic motivation.
4. Use The System To Your Advantage
“The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment.” -Earl Nightingale
Let’s celebrate what our mammilian brain does well. It automates what’s most often repeated and what is most emotionally charged. It does this to help us learn quickly, increase out efficiency and skirt danger.
This is a highly useful feature when it comes to learning how to drive a car, or knowing to be cautious when walking alone through a dark alley at night.
But, when it comes to the hardwiring of our repeated negative thoughts, our misperceptions and the defeating, negative storylines of those around us, it greatly interferes with our ability to thrive.
Before the age of 6, all of us were basically in a trance with no capacity for critical thinking. Our subconscious mind was like a tape recorder, taking it all in, recording, storing and creating master programs from it all.
Our higher reasoning powers were not yet on board, so we essentially had no filter for the data entering our puerile minds via our environment.
The voices of siblings, parents, caregivers, society, grandparents literally shaped our consciousness. Many of their perceptions became our own internalized voices.
These internalized voices often conflicted with one another, adding to the drama and confusion. Moreover, these internalized voices often opposed our own aspirations and dreams.
You’re an adult now. You can turn it around now. Get to know your one true voice and let it be boss. And as Jen Sincero, author of You’re A Badass, rawly but accurately states, “Your brain is your bitch.”
Use the mechanics of consciousness to your advantage. Know that your subconscious mind reads the mental images that are most highly charged and the most repeated.
Recognize the repetitive, defeating thoughts, feelings and mental images that don’t align with your goals.
Rewrite the script.
“Everything changes — the memory, the self and the horizon- when you move beyond surviving into thriving.”
-Dr. Valdeane Brown, founder of NeurOptimal®
Though we often site outer constraints as the reason that we don’t achieve our goals, most times the inner constraints are the true culprits.
Aka, you’re blocking your own success. But, that’s actually better news. This gives you the control. If you’re the one doing it, you can be the one to stop.
Get to know the underlying beliefs that are sabotaging your conscious goals. Question what’s really true, or what is true now. Revise your early programming.
Then rewrite the new master program. Put in place by continuously replaying it with emotion. Think about and feel strong, positive emotion with regard to what you want.
Remember: your subconscious mind doesn’t respond to words. It responds to images and powerful emotions. So get excited about the way you want your life to be. Create a new story for your life.
Once you learn that this is what your mind responds too, you will realize where your efforts will be most effective. You can put yourself on the path to achieving your most important goals by fostering new subconscious patterns.
Call To Action
One Last Thing!
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