Getting Unstuck For Good

Amy McTear
10 min readDec 11, 2020


This year I turned 51 and one of the great ironies of my story is that I now experience myself as one of the happiest, most content and emotionally balanced people I meet.

This was not always the case…

There was a time when I couldn’t control my negative thoughts. I couldn’t separate who I really was from the traumas I experienced.

I hid shame, pain and self-loathing. I shut my heart and buried my voice. I worked hard to mask the unlovable parts and create a perfect shell. I tried not to offend or draw the dislike of anyone…

I must have believed these things were possible because I gave it my all for many, many years. The longer I lived this way, the more I ingrained a self-image that I thought was unchangeable and that I confused with who I truly am.

All the while, however, an inner voice urged me to free myself from any and all mental and emotional prisons, to give more, to touch more of this life, taste it fully and express myself to it and through it.

I became aware of my behaviors, feelings, thoughts and beliefs and how all my editing and compensating limited my ability to live, love and be wholly me.

I questioned my self-image and my beliefs about the world and discovered strength in vulnerability. Little by little, I found the courage to let out a fuller self.

…to be ‘as is’, to not measure up, to stop asking ‘am I good enough?’, to no longer sacrifice or subjugate myself to please another

… to rise after heartbreak, disappointment, rejection and failed attempt and muster the courage to love again and again and again

… to expect love, to expect dreams to come true, to find my path each day and leave a trail of light, to never stop being excited for what is next…

This became my personal creed. This is what I feel I signed up for in taking this incarnation. This is the metaphysical framework I offer my clients.

The Path Toward Purpose

I was a young mom in my 20's with a side hustle as a jewelry designer. I ran a wholesale jewelry business and worked a decade in this field. I remember my final employee, a young talented metalsmith, turning to me as I braced the phone between my chin and shoulder while sanding a piece of metal, that I had ‘missed my calling.’

He had been watching me pick up phone call after phone call from friends and family…listening to their problems, supporting them and helping them troubleshoot solutions.

It was true. That was my nature. That is what I was really doing with my days. That is what I really cared about — people and their feelings — not physical adornment.

Why? How did I get this way?

I can best answer that with the adage, ‘necessity is the mother of invention’.


I remember feeling depressed as early as 6 years old. By the time I was 15 years old, I fantasized about dying and contemplated taking my own life.

For some people depression comes and goes, lasting hours or days. In fact, it is said that most people will experience an episode of depression at least once in their lives. For myself and many in my family, depression was a way of life, persisting for decades and often a lifetime.

Someone said, ‘the real fear of depression isn’t dying, it’s the fear of living with yourself forever.’ This was true for me.

I remember the day my father told me as kindly as he could that ‘all good McTears are depressed.’ This was his awkward but endearing attempt to break it to me gently, make me feel part of the clan and offer some explanation for the turmoil I was experiencing.

He told me that I had inherited the unfortunate gene for depression epidemic in my family- that it was “chemical” and something I would unfortunately have to struggle with for the rest of my life. He knew all about this. He struggled with depression himself.

I felt I had been delivered a death sentence. It seemed even more pointless to stay on this earth condemned by my genetics to a lifetime of emotional suffering.

That moment marked a critical juncture, bringing me to an existential crossroads and a dire choice to either end my life OR devote it to figuring out how I could be happy and thrive in this world.

I began asking questions, ‘‘Why? Why me? Why could others thrive and get along when I was struggling to function?” ’That quest for understanding was one of the initial steppingstones toward my current profession.

The last time I experienced any kind of lingering depression was more than 15 years ago. If depression makes any kind of appearance in my life now, I know what it is trying to say to me. I know how to respond so that it does not persist. And more than that, I have access to advanced tools that can help when I can’t do it on my own, tools that can optimize my brain functioning so that each day I can more easily live up to my full potential.

I did eventually shift my profession, thanks to that young, wise employee, and moved into my current career as a MindSet & Emotional Resiliency Coach and Dynamical Neurofeedback Trainer.

Mental & Emotional Roadblocks

In working with clients, one of the most common and striking conundrums that I face is that I can get people to identify what they want, why they want it and even what they need to do to get it …yet they don’t do it.

In the field of psychology, this is referred to as the neurotic process. “ I know what is best for me, but I’m not doing it…”

I was no stranger to self-sabotage, so this was not lost on me. But, I wanted to understand this complex and frustrating dynamic and figure out what could be done to correct it. In that process, I discovered one of the best biohacks for supporting mental health and transformation that I know of to date.

Retraining The Brain

If I told you that there is a completely safe, non-invasive, easy to use and highly-effective technology that can help you maintain peak wellness and improve your mood, mental acuity, learning capacity, self-esteem, calm and sleep habits… would you be interested?

If I told you that you could use it in your own home, on yourself and your entire household for daily maintenance… would that appeal to you?

As I sit here writing this article, I have sensors attached to my head and ears with relaxing music playing in my headphones. Beside me is a tablet displaying a live EEG (electroencephalogram) readout of my brain activity. I am running a Neuroptimal® neurofeedback session on myself. I use this advanced neurofeedback technology regularly, these days as readily as I exercise.

Me Using NeurOptimal®

I discovered NeurOptimal® when I was searching for ways to help people break through the emotional ruts and mental habits that keep them from being able to transform their lives, even when that is what they want most.

What I appreciate most about NeurOptimal is that it regulates my sleep, renders me nearly ‘untriggerable’ and gives me laser sharp focus that lasts throughout the day. I feel calmer, clearer, happier, more productive and able to function in my life.

Caring & Caretaking

I believe that what we care about most is what we have come to caretake and that it is incumbent upon each of us to discover what that is for us personally. I believe that by following this we not only unlock our own ability to thrive, but we also activate our greatest potential to contribute to a better world.

I am convinced that our lives are meant to revolve around such, and that we’re here on this earth for a reason and a purpose that is unique to each of us. I believe it is never too late for a person to align with their purpose. The challenge is to remove the obstacles that stand in the way of our own realization.

I support my clients in becoming the ultimate version of themselves by helping them remove the hidden barriers that keep them from living confidently and comfortably on purpose. I provide tools that can help them meet adversity with strength and clarity. I show them how to identify and remove the subconscious belief systems that can cause them to continually fall short of who they really are and who they are meant to be. I use brain training, self-awareness, emotional self-regulation techniques and learning to master one’s thoughts, behavior and environment.

How NeurOptimal® Works

Renting & Using NeurOptimal® at home

NeurOptimal® gives the brain very precise information (or feedback) about what it is doing so that it can organize itself and work at peak efficiency.

It is simple, yet extremely powerful because it communicates directly with your brain, without the interference of an outside person attempting to evaluate or diagnose you, or make decisions about what training you need. Your brain is essentially communicating with itself and making its own changes.

NeurOptimal was developed by Clinical Psychologists Drs. Valdeane and Susan Brown, Founders of Zengar Institute Inc. It is not a medical treatment, rather it is a training tool for the brain.

During a NeurOptimal® session you apply a few ear clips and two small sensors on the sides of your head. These pick up the delicate electrical activity of your brain. You simply relax and close your eyes and listen to music or watch a movie, or write emails (or articles;))…

NeurOptimal® processes your brain signals very rapidly and when it detects them moving into an “instability”, the music or movie pauses very briefly. Consciously of course, this has no meaning to us — in fact you may not even notice the subtle interrupts in the music. But your brain understands that the pauses are based on its own activity and it adjusts itself without any conscious effort from you.

As this happens more and more, complaints begin to slowly melt away. Clients report everything from more peaceful sleep, to better recall on words, improved concentration, to an ability to stay calm that they didn’t have access to before. NeurOptimal essentially helps your central nervous system (your brain and spinal cord network) become more flexible and resilient so that is can respond optimally to life’s challenges.

Many people find NeurOptimal when conventional routes have not been successful for them. It is especially popular among those over 55 in my practice because it keeps the brain fit, assists with weight loss goals, enhances learning capacity, increases calm and resiliency and help you be more comfortable and confident.

How You Can Get NeurOptimal®

Client Having An In-Office Session

There are three ways that you can have access to NeurOptimal.

1) In-office sessions. There are many trainers around the world like me that offer in-office sessions. Package pricing is commonly offered. Contact me and I can help you find a trainer in your area if you are not in my geographical region.

2) Renting a system. Renting is very cost-effective, allowing you to conduct unlimited sessions on yourself and loved ones in the safety of your own home. This has been particularly advantageous during the pandemic when minimizing contact is important. This past spring it was a lifesaver for many families struggling with the stress and tension of virtual schooling and quarantining. I am able to ship a system to you pretty much anywhere in the world.

3) Purchase your own system. Many people find that they want to maintain peak brain fitness or address deeper issues and so want to own a system. NeurOptimal does offer financing and has some particularly great deals right now. If you are interested in knowing more about purchasing a system, please feel free to reach out to me and I can walk you through it.

While NeurOptimal training is a financial investment, it should be noted that it is one of the most affordable forms of Neurofeedback on the market.

Contact me at to learn more about Mindset Coaching or NeurOptimal or visit

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Amy McTear

Author, Coach, Founder of One True Voice, Certified Neuroptimal® Trainer. Helping you reprogram negative beliefs and align heart, mind & mission.